Innocent, impassioned excitement
What is it that you’re most passionate about or have the most fun doing? Have you ever felt it become mundane? It’s a devastating experience that takes what’s most meaningful to us and makes it mundane. Perhaps it’s become overly familiar. Perhaps it didn’t live up to our expectations or our expectations were unreasonable. Perhaps we become ill, robbing us of energy and the habit of engaging with it. Whatever the cause, the world can steal our dreams leaving us empty and sorrowful.
But there are routes back. There are ways to rediscover our dreams.
Carnival of light by Craig Laurence Stevens, 2023
"How to be poor. How to be rich. How to rediscover dreams when the world has stolen them from you." – Elric, Babylon 5
In late autumn 2018, I bought my first camera. The Fuji XF10 was a pocket battleship. The sensor was incredible for a camera of that size and price point. I bought it because I’d been taking a lot of photos with my phone and finally recognised the obvious: I needed a camera. With winter approaching, I also knew that I’d need a reason to go outside when the temptation would be to huddle up inside where it was warm. Having bought it, I told myself that if I was still using it regularly in two years, I’d buy myself a more powerful camera.
Four and a half years later, I was still using the XF10. But the sheen had really come off photography and the meaning I found with it was in serious decline. I had a stable process, but all too often I’d encounter the same problem: I’d open what looked like a good photo in Lightroom, zoom in and see blur. And as good as the XF10 is, it has a limitation: fixed focal length and the lens cannot be changed. Put simply: no zoom in or out. So if I couldn’t get myself in a good position to take the shot, perhaps because of the environment, then I couldn’t take the shot.
But at the same time I experienced the call to adventure to take my photography to a new level, to strive for professional standards. The gap between that and what I was capable of achieving was heartbreaking every time I tried to take the right shot in the best way. Piece by piece, the dream of photography was stolen from me, but I found a way to rediscover it.
Vanishing point by Craig Laurence Stevens, 2023
“I see that it’s important that we surrender ourselves and expose ourselves to things that we don’t necessarily understand. That through innocent, impassioned excitement, we can’t help share.” – Lisa Gerrard, Sanctuary
I rediscovered the dream by buying a new camera that removed the limitations my XF10 was placing upon me. It was the most expensive option, but with no way to upgrade the XF10, it was the only option. And that choice became the snowball at the top of the mountain. The Fuji XT5 is a powerful camera and wanting to get the most out of it induced me to experiment with its capabilities.
Getting this camera with the 18 - 55 mm lens was itself transformative. With the XF10 fixed at 28 mm, gaining 10 mm at the wide end and 27 mm at the telephoto end opened up shots which had previously been impossible. Gaining at the wide end has made interior, architecture and vista photography easier. Gaining at the telephoto end has made it easier to isolate subjects or get closer to birds or animals that might otherwise spook. Yes, you can fake a zoom by cropping a photo, but this means cutting out parts of the image. So if a photo is 26 megapixels and you cut 50% out, what’s left is 13 megapixels. But with a zoom, you get the same shot with all 26 megapixels preserved, so the photo retains greater detail.
While I’d had a stable process with the XF10 which I initially transferred to the XT5, it was limited. It was at Chateau de Versailles that I’d discovered how to pair aperture priority with exposure bracketing. Put simply, I’d fix the aperture and ISO while leaving the shutter speed on auto, and set the camera to take three shots with different exposure each time. Then, I’d blend those shots in Lightroom to get a better range of light. Once I discovered that process, I stopped. Then I visited the Chateau again with my XT5. With a range of subjects like the Chateau, the gardens and the Trianon estate including Hameau de la Reine, I started experimenting again. In so doing, I discovered why so many of my shots had been suffering from blur: the shutter speed was too low. So if there was any involuntary movement, the photo would come out blurred. By challenging myself to shoot 100% manual, I learned how to control the shutter speed to cut this out and the blur started to disappear. And with it I learned more about controlling focus and when to shoot with exposure bracketing rather than doing it all the time. By bringing all of this together, I learned how to do better with continuous shooting for fountains, dancing and fireworks.
Through the desire of wanting to understand my camera paired with the perfect subjects, I rediscovered that innocent, impassioned joy in photography.
The French Pavilion by Craig Laurence Stevens, 2023
“I think that’s where you know you’ve evolved as a human being if you can continue in humility to serve those voices of creation that nourish and give inspiration to others.” – Lisa Gerrard, Sanctuary
Have you lost that joy in something? Is the joy that made it the thing you’re most passionate about draining away? Let’s distil the above into some quick questions that may help you rediscover what you love.
Is your process limiting what you get out of what you love? If so, is there something new to learn that will refresh your perspective of what you already know you love.
Is the limitation technical in nature? If so, what is the limitation and is there something you can afford that will remove that limitation?
Is the lack of a challenge limiting you? If so, set yourself challenges because these will push you to learn something.
Do you need new subjects or locations? If so, do you need to capture different things, or live or work somewhere new?
The lack of freshness in what we love can challenge the meaning we derive from it. In work, the question of personal fulfilment in your day to day work is harder to reinvent because your employer isn’t going to acquire new technology casually or to accommodate you. Nor are they likely to agree to your role being reframed. So this may lead you to a 4. which could mean a new role with your existing employer or with a new employer. Only you can make the choice, but I’m convinced there’s a lot to be said for ensuring that you have scope to learn.
Throughout this piece, I’ve inserted some shots I’ve taken with my new camera. I hope they illustrate the passion it’s possible to rediscover by approaching what you love with a fresh mind. I hope they encourage you to redisover what you love with the innocent passion that brought you to it originally.
And if you all you want is to see some nice pictures, you can find more at https://www.instagram.com/mareinephotography/